Oh blog, I have neglected you.

So yeah, it's been a busy few weeks for me, but now I finally feel like I can breath a little bit. Will & Clayton have been returned to their mom and while we miss them, it's quieter here. They'll be back sometime later in the month, not exactly sure when. After we dropped them off on Friday, I picked up my gorgeous "niece" on Saturday. She's almost 18 months old and cute as a button and so full of energy it's not funny. Her personality is very similar to her moms when she was that age and she looks A LOT like her mom too. We played outside on the swing set and she watched Daniel run around out front on his scooter and she even tried to ride it a time or two. It was fun, but totally exhausting at the same time. I took a few pictures of her while she was here too. Here's my favorite.

I could seriously kiss that face all day long. I took her home yesterday and again like Will & Clayton, I miss her but I'm glad I only have one youngin' in my house right now. I know I have done it in the past with my own kids, but having only had Daniel for the past (almost) 4 (gulp) years, it really is a shock to my system when I have other small ones here. I don't know how moms of many do it every day. Maybe it's because I was younger when Sarah & James were younger. Maybe it's because I worked full time away from the home back then. I don't know. But, whatever the reason, I can tell you that I'm exhausted today and glad that at the moment, my house is empty except for me and my Daniel.

Who's the boss?

That's a question that gets asked in my house quite a bit. Since Daniel is usually the only little guy in the house, he tends to have lots of bosses. Even though Sarah & James are his siblings, in his eyes they are grown ups, so they get to tell him what to do - and let me tell you, they do and often. Since Will & Clayton have been here for the past two weeks (*blinks*), we have run into a problem with them telling him what to do or more importantly them correcting his bad behavior when they should let a grown up know what he's doing. It's been a constant battle with them. We tell them, come get me or another adult and we'll handle Daniel. We try to make sure they understand that it's not because of anything they did, but rather we want them to just be kids and not be responsible for Daniel. They have a little sister at their mom's house, who I fear they "entertain" often and are required to keep her out of mischief, so I know it's hard for them to switch roles when they are here.

But I think it's equally hard for Daniel, being the littlest guy, to hear "no Daniel" or "you can't do that" or "stop that Daniel" from every single other person in this house, ya know? Do I make sense? Or am I just being an over-protective mother hen?

Feeding my family

is not always easy. I am a picky eater. I have two children who are picky eaters. It's hard to find a meal that everyone will enjoy that is also quick and easy or relatively quick and easy. Today I was scouring the internet and various sites that I frequently get recipes from and Sarah spotted a chicken pot pie recipe on Hillybilly Housewife. I took a look and found that I had most of the ingredients here at home and Sarah offered to go get the rest.

I did tweak it a bit to fit my family. First of all I doubled it, because I have a lot of mouths to feed. Additionally, I nixed the onions because no one here likes them, and I added corn to the peas and carrots and added potatoes. I also replaced the milk with buttermilk because I had some that needed to get used soon. The prep time was simply how long it took me to peel and dice about 6 medium potatoes and boil them, which was about 25 minutes. My chicken was frozen diced chicken breast that I had purchased for something, but forgot to use. Finally, instead of moving the pie crusts into a 9x9x2 pan, I just baked them in the pie tin that the pie crusts came in and inverted a second pie crust over them.

Here's what they looked like after I pulled them out of the oven (there are two):

and while I was serving everyone:


And the carnage after everyone was finished:


I swear that this was probably the easiest and best chicken pot pie I've ever had. I'm sorta sad that there is not much leftover for later this week! If you try it, do let me know how it turns out!

What would I do without this boy?!

He just absolutely melts my heart, every single day! And he's cute to boot! Here is a little conversation that I had with him today:

Me: I love you!
Him: I love you too!
Me: I love you a whole lot, do you love me a little bit or a whole lot?
Him: A little bit.
Me: No, I want you to love me a whole lot!
Him: I'll love you a whole lot on Sunday. Is that a good idea?

Yes Daniel. That is a great idea. He just cracks me up.

Friends .. what a novel idea.

Neely's kids have been here since the weekend. They are staying till Sunday - or later if they want. On Tuesday they spent most of the day outside playing. We live on a relatively quiet street in a relatively quiet neighborhood in a super quiet town, so I don't have a problem with them playing outside for an hour or so. I mean they are 8 & 10. I can't tell you what I was up to at 10 in Baltimore City!

Anyway, they met a few kids in the neighborhood and have formed a little friendship with them. It's a little girl and a boy, about their age, who live just up the street a bit. It is just so amazing to me to see Will & Clayton so excited that they have friends and when the friends knock on the door asking if they can come out and play, I mean, it's just funny to watch how happy they get. Yet, it's sad at the same time. It doesn't seem like they spend much time outside when they are at home, and don't have friends pop in at home. They are each other's friend and man, I'm sure it gets pretty annoying playing with your brother all the time.

Anyway, I'm enjoying their time here. I wish we didn't have to take them home. I wish.

Here are a few pics that I snapped yesterday during lunch. They are cute little guys aren't they?!

And one of my big guy and Daniel ... because I can.

Way back When-sday!

I've seen this on other blogs and I felt compelled to stealborrow the idea for myself. I had posted a picture of James receiving his diploma today on Justmommies and one of my friends asked when he grew up. Right before my very eyes, for sure. Anyway, inspired by that, I thought I'd post my very first Way Back When-sday post.

This is Sarah & James pretending to love each other. This picture was taken in December 2004, right around the time Daniel was conceived. :D I had been a member of Justmommies for 2 months at this point, too.

Ick! Ignore my dirty walls; they have since been repainted.

NO! I can say no, but not when it really counts.

I have such a hard time saying "no" to people. I have always had this issue. I am the original people-pleaser and for me that has always meant me saying "yes" when I really don't want to. Neely gets on me all the time about this, but since I've been a people-pleaser and a yes-woman for so long it's really hard to change. How do I learn to say "no" when I really want to? How do I stop being afraid that someone is going to be upset with me you for not saying "yes"?

Don't get me wrong, I have no issue telling my kids that they can't have something or go somewhere or whatever, but it's everyone else that I have trouble with. I over-commit myself all the time or do things that I really have no desire to do, simply because it's easier to just say yes. I have to learn that I don't have to have a reason for saying no, I think. I don't have to explain myself, I just have to say "no, I don't think I can" or "no, now is not the right time".

Why
is
this
so
hard
for
me?

Do I need to grow a pair or what? Serioiusly. Or maybe I just need some practice.

No. No. No. No. No!

So there's this girl ...

well, she's not really a girl anymore, but I want to tell you a little about her. When I was but a babe, a child of 12, I met a girl, we'll call her Cricket (cause that's her name people!). She was a year older than me and I thought she was the coolest girl I have ever met. We became instant friends and have been ever since. That's 25 years if you can do the math! Cricket is my girl, my homey, the one I call when my daughter surprises me with pregnancy news, the one I cry to when things don't turn out the way they should, the one who, through thick and thin, has always been right around the corner - if not literally anymore, certainly figuratively. Her adult life has not always been easy, but there is one thing about her that has always remained true - she just keeps on going. Whatever life throws at her, whatever daily struggles she has, or demands on her time and attention, she gives 1000% of herself to it. Her strength and tenacity amaze me. And, let me tell you, she can fix ANYTHING!

I don't get to spend a great deal of time with Cricket anymore. We live an hour away from each other and both of us are busy every day with our own lives, but nothing ever changes for us or our friendship. I could go 6 months without seeing to her, but the minute I am with her, we are just like we were 25 years ago. I probably don't tell her often enough just how much she means to me, but I know she knows I love her, as much as I know she loves me.

I don't like this part ...

I do not like this part of my big kids growing up. Sarah is going through a medical procedure and while I can be with her and ask questions, I don't have to be. And in fact, they don't have to tell me anything. I hate it. Here I sit, while she signs her own consent forms and there is nothing for me to do. There might be a few people out there who would call me a control freak, but honestly I just want to make sure she's safe and all her my questions have been answered.

Additionally, James is off on his own and I don't know what he's doing every minute of the day. I'm trying to allow him to have his freedom, but I am really struggling to resist the urge to call him every hour or so. Sure, he's been away from home before - to his dad's house, to a visit a friend that moved to Florida - but this is the first time that I have unleashed him allowed him to go off for days at a time without adult supervision. Well, unless you consider his 3 eighteen year old friends adults; I do not.

This is one of the the hard parts about motherhood. They do not stay little forever and every day I find one more thing that reminds me of that.

Daniel's first trip to the beach

James is spending Senior Week in Ocean City, MD. He left on Sunday, but was unable to get into his room until Monday mid-morning. Because he and his friends were eager to get there, and didn't know where they would be staying on Sunday night (uh, let's just say it's a good thing James drives a van, k?), they didn't take the groceries that they I had purchased ahead of time, they asked if I would bring them on Monday. And since Daniel had never been to the beach, I decided to go ahead and make a day of it; plus I really have a hard time saying "no" to James, not to mention to his begging, whining friends.

Daniel and I left the house shortly before 10 a.m. on Monday and arrived in OC about 1:30. After unloading my van and having lunch and getting changed, Daniel and I ventured to the beach. He absolutely loved it. Loved the sand, loved the waves, loved the icey cold Atlantic Ocean water. I had to drag him off to go home. I can't wait to go again in July, when I will be freeloading tagging along for 4 days with one of my besties and her daughters. Here are just a few pics of Daniel and I, enjoying the day.







In other news, Sarah got a call while at work yesterday from her doctor. She had her beta hcg levels done on Saturday (Sunday morning) in the ER and again on Monday, Tuesday & Friday of last week. Monday's numbers were slightly higher than the ER numbers. Tuesday had gone down a little bit, but Friday's numbers were higher even than Monday's numbers. So Dr. Y told her yesterday that he thinks she needs a D&C or that the pregnancy is ectopic. He sent her to get more blood work today (STAT) and we're waiting for him to call with the results he just called and said they were down slightly, but not enough to not need a D&C, which is scheduled for tomorrow. I want to make sure that she has one final ultrasound before that, though. Sarah is just really tired of the back & forth. Physically, she says she feels fine, it's the up and down emotionally that has been difficult.

Happy Birthday to me!

It didn't really feel like a special day for me today and frankly, when you're turning 37 who really wants to remember their birthday, anyway? Certainly not me. I have spent a lot of time today and really this whole last week, doing a lot of thinking and contemplating my life. I've been trying to figure out just how I got to this place and if I'm happy with where I am or not. I've come to the conclusion that I am, indeed, happy with my life and this place that I am. I'm not talking this physical location, because if truth be told, I HATE Taneytown, but I am happy with this path that I am on. I have three great kids, two of them who are grown or nearly grown up and have become wonderful human beings. I watched my second child receive a high school diploma yesterday and I watched my first child be recognized as an alumni. I am proud of them. I know they both have a long way to go in terms of careers and education and even maturity, but man, I am just so thankful for who they are right now.

Of course there are things about my life that I would like to change and there are things that could be better, but overall, life is good. I don't know if I could have said that a few years ago, or heck even a few months ago.

I spent my birthday preparing James for his trip to Ocean City and Senior week. I did some shopping with Sarah & Daniel and had lunch with my parents at my favorite place, Five Guys Burgers & Fries. And even though there wasn't cake or lots of presents and huge celebration, and there were people who I didn't see today that I really wish I could have, I couldn't have asked for a better day!